Like a very strenuous exercise, the time spent with a good friend stretches, but the stretching is enjoyable, because it tastes so so good, not because all that happens during the stay with a friend, is comforting. Unfortunately, the joy is the stretching, a clear indication that it is in the stretching that real friendship is built and the joyful fruit is produced. It is a thing of joy, because it is a real friend that identifies and indeed ignites the fire of change and the high positive value that such attracts.
In today's translation of friendship, bold and honest words of a friend, would easily provoke, and in most cases are seen as inflicting pain, and are strongly resisted with high sounding words, such as I am disappointed in you, the real intended meaning, somebody like me battles always to grasp without success.
The time spent with a good friend, is stretching because of the opportunities that it indeed throws up consistently, not necessarily in terms of praises that saturates the moment, no, but for the end result: self-cleansing, occassioned by sober reflection, instigated by a friend, it would pass for the ignoramus, a very painful session, as will soon be revealed in this piece.
What I consider here a valued moment, in terms of the time spent with a real friend, is in reality, a Pandora's box, sort of. It throws up a chain of events, anchored on self diagnoses that include: self-check, self-appraisal, self-counseling and self-re-orientation.
What follows subsequently, that is after the right actions are taken are the beauty, the fruit of the joy of having a real friend. It is called self-adjustment. It equips one for the real challenges of life. To run this diagnosis is evidently a strenuous process, with over stretching capacity, but very positive implications for the individual conducting it.
It is obviously a difficult and daunting situation for some people, especially, the ignoramus, to fathom how such a tasking path of life, should emanate from a time spent with a friend. This remains one bitter pill many people find difficult to swallow, hence the society, in sympathy to this is gradually, but consistently sliding off the radar, and losing the true meaning of friendship.
The art of regular flattering witnessed in friendship of the present world, and is accepted mostly by the new society, comprised mostly by the youth, is not only frightening but threatening also.
Recently, I had reason to cogitate, very seriously, over this emerging, but, fast growing and widely spreading trend.What confronts society of the future, is bleak and mournful look, if the situation is not reversed.
I find myself consistently bemoaning, seriously over what I know to be a negation, basically, of what the practice of friendship is. However, in the midst of my troubling state of mind, crept in a somewhat soothing balm, that almost took off my line of thinking, considering that it challenged me fundamentally.
I am now tempted to reason that what is happening now, is perhaps a perfect sign that people, have willingly elected to be deceived. Please, pardon me, if I have offended you with my choice of words.
It is becoming a norm, for a friend to speak proudly with another friend, but dare not mention to him or her, the character flaws identified and ignorantly harboured by the so called friend. The reason mostly adduced for this lame, dull and very senseless behaviour is:
Fear that the so called friend might feel offended. Which happens more often than not.
So friendship is now reduced to fun and entertainment. No wonder, the now deafening slogan, "trust no one, is gaining so much popularity".
I wouldn't have cared, how much more worrying myself to knot, if I had not noticed another trending development, quite revealing, also. At a time the so called friends are unable to bare their mind to a friend, but instead resort to working comfortably with him or her, helping to accommodate and nurture a known, debilitating and self-destructive tendency, just to avoid making him or her angry, an interesting thing knocks around the corner.
Have you not noticed that those that people claim hate each other, are now the ones hitting themselves, so hard, with the truth. They go as far as pointing out the character flaws, they identified in the other person. In most of the cases, I have witnessed, they go as far as declaring to each other, with annoyance and high tone even; saying:
Change, change, if you don't, it is this character that will finish you. I know, if I don't tell you this, no body will.
People refer to them as enemies. Make caricature of such relationships. Yet do nothing. Even when the so called enemy, is generous enough to point out that no body, will do that, if not pointed by their like (enemy).
Did you read the above clearly?
What did you make of that?
While the so called enemies do the above, the so called friends claim: they told each other off, they are enemies. My point is, the enemies performed the huge task of helping themselves to identify and to declare "point blank" their flaws. My investigation reveals that, not minding the claim of enmity, they go ahead and work on the flaws, bounce back better people, more useful to themselves and the society, and in all honesty, are envied by the so called friends, afterwards... for reason I do not know.
Dear esteemed reader, let me throw my concern to you:
Is lying compliments preferable to the society now, than sincere criticism?
Before your answers, I enjoin you to please check yourself very well, and also cast your mind back, to the issues similar to what is raised in this piece, to confirm first of all that you have not willingly preferred to be deceived in the present game of deceit, clothed with the known and popular nomenclature: friendship...
Whatever you do after your check, please ensure it represents your mind on this issue.
Finally, let me deposit here that it does not matter the name you use, for the one that truly stretches you. What is important is the result you are getting. Therefore, if it is the so called enemy that is stretching you, and making you overcome your flaws, so be it. Follow him or her. After all, more of the so called enemies are building people up, in so short a time, far far more than the so called friends are doing in soooooo many years.
By Nnabugwu Chizoba
Happy New Year from
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